Flying is a Sex Metaphor, and Other Lazy Cliches: Chapter 18 of EL James’s “Grey”

Previous Post. Take a long pull of scotch in your sky fortress and stare into the reticent night's sky because it's time for another recap. I'm going to keep promising that these recaps will be more regular and I'll probably keep failing to come through. But hey -- they're free and they're slowly ebbing my capacity … Continue reading Flying is a Sex Metaphor, and Other Lazy Cliches: Chapter 18 of EL James’s “Grey”

Yes, It’s the Tampon Scene: Chapter 17.2 of EL James’s “Grey”

Previous Post. We pick up after another long hiatus (sorry, everyone -- it's been crazy. I have no walls or ceiling right now, etc.). As you may or may not recall, Christian Grey just happened to be staying at the exact hotel that Ana was drinking at, because of course he was, and he used his … Continue reading Yes, It’s the Tampon Scene: Chapter 17.2 of EL James’s “Grey”

All Hail the Moneydick of Pain: Chapter 12 of EL James’s “Grey”

Previous Post. The last chapter ended with Christian going home and then getting an e-mail from Ana that implied she was upset. This chapter opens minutes later with Christian still staring at his computer screen because their e-mail back-and-forth took place around midnight. So we're in the middle of the exact same scene, which was … Continue reading All Hail the Moneydick of Pain: Chapter 12 of EL James’s “Grey”

Please Don’t Have Sex on a Car: Chapter 11 of EL James’s “Grey” (Part 2)

Previous Post. We pick up from yesterday's thrilling cliffhanger in which Christian, lord of darkness and anal fisting, has realized that he might just want to go bowling and drink milkshakes with Ana instead of shoving ball gags into her mouth 24/7. So despite what you might think, he didn't actually manipulate the women that … Continue reading Please Don’t Have Sex on a Car: Chapter 11 of EL James’s “Grey” (Part 2)

Please Don’t Have Sex in a Restaurant: Chapter 10 of EL James’s “Grey”

Previous Post. At this point I feel like I should tell you that I've been doing a Harry Potter re-read as a palate cleanser whenever I get slightly overwhelmed with rage at this book. Which works for the most part, except that now and then I get confused when Harry and Ron don't stop about once a chapter … Continue reading Please Don’t Have Sex in a Restaurant: Chapter 10 of EL James’s “Grey”

Sweaty Foot Sex and Gollum’s Revenge: Chapter 8 of EL James’s “Grey”

Previous Post. So after a brief hiatus I'm back with more soul-crushing trash for you to feast on. If you recall from the last post, Christian is contemplative and thoughtful about Ana and poor people and Africa -- but mostly Ana. It's after one in the morning when I go to bed. Staring at the … Continue reading Sweaty Foot Sex and Gollum’s Revenge: Chapter 8 of EL James’s “Grey”

Solar-Powered Africa and Sexy Sex Baths: Chapter 7 of EL James’s “Grey”

Previous Post. Because Fifty Shades of Grey operated as a romantic fantasy wherein a plain girl is swept off her feet by a rich, handsome man, EL James didn't necessarily need to justify why a modelesque 27 year old billionaire would be interested in a mousey college student with no personality. We could just accept that … Continue reading Solar-Powered Africa and Sexy Sex Baths: Chapter 7 of EL James’s “Grey”

Erotic Lip Biting and Demon Weed: Chapter 6 of EL James’s “Grey” (Part 2)

Previous Post. So we left off last post midway through an excruciatingly long chapter filled with anal punishment and victim blaming -- and yet I just bet this entry is going to top it. So to getting up to speed, Christian has just explained that he doesn't do that "hearts and flowers shit," Ana wants to be … Continue reading Erotic Lip Biting and Demon Weed: Chapter 6 of EL James’s “Grey” (Part 2)

Gaslighting and Anal Ginger Root: Chapter 6 of EL James’s “Grey”

Previous Post. This chapter is unfathomably long, so I'm not going to waste a lot of time complaining right off the top. But what I will mention -- since I haven't brought it up so far -- is that the "chapters" in this book only encapsulate a single day. So all of the chapter headings … Continue reading Gaslighting and Anal Ginger Root: Chapter 6 of EL James’s “Grey”

Expensive Books and the Stench of Poverty: Chapter 4 of EL James’s “Grey”

Previous Post. I want to make these preambles a bit shorter, so let me cut to the chase and say that if you weren't already convinced that EL James is the kind of materialistic Baby Boomer that rational people hate with the fire of a thousand suns -- ie. someone who thinks that "the poor" are … Continue reading Expensive Books and the Stench of Poverty: Chapter 4 of EL James’s “Grey”